With a backdrop of Eighties classics (largely unappreciated I hasten to add, though I know we all danced to 'em once) we got changed in what best could be described as parky conditions, with Cedric giving it large throughout and beginning to sound very much like Victor Meldrew.
Unfortunately with FWOE turning up with only a football team, and with only one recognised front row at that it was only thanks to Vandal Steve Painter, Pickle & Jon Bodsworth of the Development side and a surplus player from Eds Seconds that a competitive game was possible albeit with uncontested scrums.
With someone re-setting Shannon's kitchen cooker clock (long story) and Mark "Merve the Swerve" Baldwin having to referee the game (many thanks, though think sometimes you get a little too much pleasure out of pinging us, with Rog being sent back ten for use of racist language in using the word Taff) and uncontested scrums we opted for a lightweight & mobile front row of Jacko, Rick & Rog...yerrright with Jacko continuing his "rehabilitation" at tighthead.
A welcome back too after a lengthy spell off with injury following his brace in the pre-Christmas Tamworth game to the 6'-5" behemoth that is Phil "Horse" Watson on the wing, and also to Andy Killarney rejoining the tribe after a lengthy spell in the Ones; and a debut appearance for an old mate of mine Rupert "the Major" Young at No.8 formally of HMP Dartmoor alongside another former team mate Nick Levey and the Colt Arkell on the flanks.
Also with the Villa away to Fulham saw the considerable presence that is Nick "the Barrel" Palmer returning to the midfield alongside Chairman Fitz with Ralphy resuming his more usual role as last man standing. This week's creativity was again provided by Ian "Bambi" Neville (more later) & General Evans.
With Slow unable to contest a wing position with Horse I dropped to the bench and the side was AGAIN ABLY SKIPPERED (can anybody else see this Da Vinci like pattern) by John Lonie.
Five Ways elected to kick off, with the Vandals playing into the sun, not the best of starts as we fumble and first "scrum" goes to Five Ways who apply lots of early pressure as given their circumstances have little to lose by taking it to us.
Gradually we begin to get on top with one great break seeing Rupert break from the base to feeding his young flanker Arks in support who in turn pops to Andy K gaining nearly thirty metres in the process and it isn't long before the ball is spun quickly through the hands of the attendants to Horse now moving at speed just outside the ten metre line and even from that distance still proves unstoppable to go over in the corner together with a couple of despairing tacklers 5-0 Ralph's conversion attempt goes just wide of the left hand post.
Our next try is a real gem following great work by our breakaway forwards and our our backs cut loose and a great flea-flicker inside pass by Ralph goes to Cedric who juggles for a second (seemed like an eternity to be honest) and he sprints in and under the posts to increase our lead to 10-0 Easy conversion for Ralph 12-0
Our third try of the day is an almost carbon copy of the first with Horse again going over 17-0 Ralph converts 19-0
It is at this point that I go in search of that rarest of things....a match ball! Preferably one without a hole in it!
Walking away I see in the distance the man in the middle has given Five Ways a couple of penalties leaving them about ten metres out and from there they score their only try of the day, but miss the conversion 19-5, and Ways beginning to have a small purple patch....though in fairness about the size of a bruise!
By the time Slow ambles back Fitz's calf has gone, shot by a sniper in the long grass, so on I go taking up he winger's role with Horse moving into centre to partner the Barrel, a sort of large & larger. Shortly after our backs sweep left and Phil gets his hat trick and about five of their players this time to boot and we're back in control.
Half Time 24-5
Second half starts with more & more pressure from our forwards as we develop a stranglehold on the game, with more & more breaks from the General and then Nev who sets off on one mazy run stepping off both feet bouncing all over the place like a new born fawn, getting stopped agonisingly close.
So we are camped about ten metres out & the General elects to have Slow come in on the diagonal, a bit messy but Captain Slow makes a few yards and the resulting scrum goes to the Vandals. General opts again to go with his fat winger, coming out laterally and giving a nice flat pass to Slow who goes over/through a disappointed Pickle for the Skippers first try since the opening game of the season!! Conversion missed. 29-5
More forward pressure sees a good driving maul set up nice steady pill ten metres out for the General who passes to Ralph in the pocket (he says he was still there from the last breakdown) who flips inside to Roger the Dodger who bludgeons his way over mid way out, which Ralph converts 36-5
John & Steve Painter exchange shirts for the last fifteen (thanks to both)
According to Mike Neary watching on the touchline with the try line begging rather than score a fourth try Horse opted to let Cedric drop it instead, Mike said "I've never seen Horse pass before!"
Our final score of the day and probably our best began with lineout inside our own half and a great two handed take by Steve Painter the ball being spun quickly out wide to Horse who popped an inside pass to Ralph who goes over in the corner with an almost theatrical slow motion long arm stretch to score our seventh try of the day, he is unable to convert his own effort. This was a move the "attendants" had been wanting to try all afternoon apparently, and when called the ever laid back Cedric was heard to say "fine I'll watch".
Final Score 41-5 Final Age 662 And a jug off Phil.
Nice to see Mr Bastock formerly of Lode Heath School and Solihull rfc on the touchline as an interested spectator. Rob, go for it mate! Training is on tuesdays and who knows, the world could be your oyster (or something like that).