Tamworth
winning the toss they opted to kick towards the Clubhouse the ball sailing into
the arms of Barstool who immediately took it into contact, we set and Baz spins
out a miss pass to Coatesy, Nev comes into the the line and neatly chips ahead
but Tamworth take it cleanly and bring it up a few yards before Snapper gets his
first victim of the day, Tamworth offload and next up tackles by Barrel &
Johnno. Tamworth attempt to recycle the ball, but take too long and we pinch it,
Johnno spins it but the ball is too hot for Baz and is spilled for the game's
first scrum. The referee spots a binding infringement by Tamworth, and
Johnno takes it quickly and gives it to Barstool who resists all temptation to
pass it to Coatsey on his shoulder. Finally Rob is stopped but we recycle and
chip but the kick is charged down by Tamworth,
but Barry-John collects the rebound and passes it to where he thought his winger
should've been. Lineout Tamworth; they secure their own ball despite the double
bubbling of Marcus & Symes and they drive it on a bit before releasing their
backs who are halted initially in their tracks
by Barrel & Coatesy but Tamworth manage to hang on to
it and spin it and get behind us to score the opening try of the game under the
posts 0-5 easy
conversion for a 0-7 lead. At which point
one of the younger Tamworth players remarked rather loudly "see they're nothing
but a bunch of fat old b*stards"....ouch!
Tamworth take the
restart cleanly and kick ahead from just outside their twenty two but our Nev
fluffs his lines and knocks it forward, scrum to Tamworth on our ten metre line
but we spoil their scrum, Barstool gets in amongst them and toe pokes ahead from
which Tamworth knock it on and we get the scrum around their ten. Rob picks up
from the base, goes blind, sells some double glazing pops it to Horse who
rumbles over the diminutive fullback to score under the posts
5-7 Simple conversion for Barry-John all square at
7-7.
The Tamworth restart doesn't go ten, maybe five if we're
counting, scrum Yards. We split the backs, nice steady ball from our Eight,
Johnno takes spins to Barrel and loops him taking the return, quick flat offload
to Horse who cuts back inside, passes to Snapper in support to Baz to Coatsey
who lights 'em up and goes over and brings it under the posts to dot it down
12-7 simple conversion 14-7 Top draw try
that.
Shannon takes the
restart and all his mates get round him and Johnno encourages us to get the
drive on, the ball squirts out forward on the Tamworth side, but blindsided the
ref doesn't spot it and Lonie jumps on it all innocent like and waits for his
mates to arrive. We set, short pop and Shannon squeezes in his mandatory
sidestep, finds his brother Andy who takes it on as we work the narrow side
before the ball finds Barry-John, Horse comes in on the inside and breaks
through the defensive line, Simon Singleton in support takes the pass to go
under the posts 19-7. Baz's conversion goes wide. Hooker Rick
limps off with a foot injury, Dai moves to hooker and the tattooed man Tim
Russell watching the wrong game eventually comes on at
tighthead.
From the restart we
get a scrum, nice and steady, we feign to go one way but take it narrow, Nev in
the line, ball goes to ground but doesn't go forward, Nev picks up and finally
our other wing Jon Bodsworth gets a pass, but is bundled into touch by the
Tamworth cover. Tamworth win their ball but only just as the Shark is fingertips
away, they drive it on a good ten metres but it starts to splinter at the back
and Snapper is drawn offside, advantage to Tamworth, who promptly drop it, so
get the penalty. They kick only to send it over the dead ball line, twenty two
to us, we win it Marcus takes it on, we're stopped, we set and Johnno whips it
out to Baz who floats a great long miss pass to Coatesy who sets off, he lets it
go to Horse, who puts it back inside to Coatesy who is driven into touch about
five metres out. Lineout to Tamworth, who catch set, drive & stall, ball
held up but ref lets them keep possession. Scrum to them our Eight disrupt their
ball, drive them off it and Rob picks up and goes, he's stopped, we spin and
Barrel collides with one of our own. Scrum to Tamworth, they send in a big unit
to bolster their under pressure front row, and he shores up their scrum, pass
goes out to their "robust" (see how much more subtle I am with the insults) fly
half & captain who makes a good clearance. Throw in to us taken by John
Lonie but who's a bit isolated and gets turned over by weight of numbers
(Captain speak for where were the rest of you) their No.8 takes it on a few
metres before they spin and a big long speculative high pass goes wayward,
Coatesy fly hacks the loose ball ahead and like so many
times last season he wins the foot race to collect and score (he runs even
quicker without the ball) 24-7
conversion goes just wide. Just
over twenty minutes gone.
Normal service
is resumed and Shannon takes the restart, we set and drive, but we swap
ownership as the ball goes forward and Tamworth take it on, we let them have it,
put in a token guard and defend the line, the pass goes out to inside centre and
he's clattered by Barrel just outside our twenty two and their more
"experienced" players (see subtlety again) take it on, but they drop it,
Barstool jumps on it and secures, Johnno passes left to Baz who puts it into
space and Bod gives chase, but their fullback eludes his attention and makes
good ground, before being finally caught by Coatesy and we get a penalty for not
releasing. Baz sends the kick out left mid way between the ten & twenty two.
Snapper takes the catch at four, the ball is sent out and Barrel comes in on his
first scissors of the day, making good yardage, goes down, gets back up again,
still driving, he's finally held, Johnno sends it out, long pass by Baz, goes to
ground Nev picks it up off the deck without breaking his stride, he pops it to
Horse and it takes three Tamworth defenders to drive him out just inside their
twenty two.
Tamworth
secure their own ball and drive it on, before sending it out, the fly half's
kick is a bit streaky and goes cross field, their winger recovers, kicks and
gets a lucky deflection off Bod to win the lineout. They take it off the top and
secure the ball, but the green blanket pours through the gaps and Shannon
wrestles it free, we spin and Baz gets held up in midfield and the ball goes
loose. Scrum to Tamworth, their fly half puts it downfield, Nev takes and
dummies the kick fixing the defence and goes hurtling up the wing before
putting it up for real, they just about field it and start to move it only to be
hunted down by the human dynamo Snapper, Barrel's up there, Coatesy's up there
so is Marcus, we're about five metres out and Barrel rips it free, Coatsey takes
it on but Tamworth hold out and the ball goes out ten metres from their line.
Lineout to Tamworth and they clear.
But not for
long as within minutes Coatesy completes his hat-trick with sheer pace to increase our lead to
29-7 conversion
missed.
From the restart Tamworth get a scrum and they spin to
their fly half who pops it back inside to last season's captain Graham Hakes but
the pass is forward. Good steady scrum ball shephered at Barstool's feet, he
picks up and goes route one at the Tamworth fly half with Shark almost inside
his shorts, but Rob's floated pass goes forward. Scrum to Tamworth, their No.8
taking a leaf out of Rob's book picks and goes, he passes but Snapper chases
down the first receiver, and Baz gets the second, but Tamworth are still making
forward progress with some good offloading out of the tackle. Their ten makes a great break but
sends out a wayward pass which is dropped on by the newly coiffured Barrel who
pops it up to Coatesy who does a step on the fullback and streaks in under the
posts for his fourth. 34-7 Baz
makes no mistake 36-7
Shark takes
the restart spurns Shannon and gives to Johnno, who feeds Baz who gets a deep
kick away to 5 or so metres outside the Tamworth twenty two, and Bod marks it
up. Tamworth throw but Snapper steals it at four but we are penalised for
holding on or some such nonsense. They take it quick and Rob picks up the
runner, Tim takes the next one, but they're still going forward, they set, but
Johnno steals, ships it out to Baz who does a number and sets Barrel away, he
goes looking for Horse on the inside, who duly takes it and spurning Baz's
offers of help goes in under the posts. 41-7 Baz does get the
conversion as a consolation prize 43-7 and that's the end of
the half.
Half time 43-7 Raspberry
isotonics (just for a change) and not bad for a bunch of fat old
b*stards, and the young Tamworth Turks probably choking a bit on their words.
With the large
bench at our disposal relatively wholesale changes at half time. Hard
working John & Andy come off and the golfing Goldbourns go into the second
row, Snapper Singleton comes off for birthday boy Nick Levey, Roger on for
Barstool, the General for Johnno & finally Horse trots off to make way
for Bob's mate Cedric.
Bazza takes the kick off and sends it deep
into the Tamworth corner, they field it cleanly and kick to touch, but it's
a slice of Celtic Manor and the ball goes
out just beyond their twenty two. We have a cunning plan and we shorten the
lineout, too cunningly as the referee fails to spot it or heed the verbal hints,
but it's academic as big Phil towers above his counter part and plucks it out of
the air. The General spins it out to Baz at ten who pops it back inside to
flanker Nick (who had cunningly stayed out of the line) and who takes it into
contact and is driven on initially by big Rog & Ali G and we all pile in.
Tamworth somehow manage to turn it over (Captain's note to any referees: do you
ever wonder how this happens?) and clear their line albeit just about five or
six metres out from goal.
Again we have a
cunning plan at the lineout and Dai chucks in a short one to the front of the
line which goes pear shaped as Tamworth nick it and string a few passes
together moving it infield before dropping it at the feet of......Coatesy, who
takes a moment to look up, sees five or six evenly spaced defenders in front of
him, plots his course and weaves around most of them to score under the posts.
48-7 Baz slots the easy conversion for us to pass the half
century for the third time this season
50-7.
The restart fails to cross the ten, scrum to
us, which pops straight out the channel and we have another go. This time we go
for an 8-9 special, Rog picks up and draws the attention of their flanker &
No.8 before popping it inside to the General who feeds the Barrel who hits the
ten metre line (yes that far out) at full tilt, their winger & fullback
don't really fancy it and Nick goes over next to the sticks. 55-7
Again Baz makes no mistake for his sixth conversion of the game.
57-7.
Barrel pays for it though as he tweaks
his rubber band in the process and has to come off after another fine
performance. Horse comes back on into the centre looking like it's Christmas
come early, the twelve shirt just about fitting.
Big Phil takes the
restart and we set and Tamworth infringe, penalty to us. The General takes it
quick and we earn another for not ten, we opt to kick but it fails to find touch
but Tamworth fail to capitalise, as they run then kick ahead and Nev calmly
shepherds it out over our dead ball line.
Shortly after Tamworth are awarded a lineout
which they take cleanly and spin it our defence holds but Tamworth are awarded a
scrum. From it they go blind and Cedric puts in a crunching tackle, but they
manage to recycle and go short yardage through their forwards, and set again
before spinning it out and knocking it on. Steady scrum from our Eight sees the
ball passed to Horse who unsurprisingly cracks open the midfield and sees
Bob's mate in support and Ced goes over
for his third try of the season. 62-7. Conversion missed. "Love
Machine" decides he's had enough of all this experienced meat up his backside
and makes way for Officer Burrows at tighthead (actually Tim had a Tesco
delivery at five).
Ali G takes the catch from
the restart and goes on a charge making ten or twelve metres, from which we set
and the General whips it out, but a midfield pass is adjudged marginally
forward. Scrum to Tamworth, No.8 goes blind and his legs are removed by the
Assassin. Tamworth recycle and their winger (I think) evades all our loving
attention until Nev gets him just inside our twenty two and wannabe fly half
Shannon kicks to touch (which must have been some corner-flagging by the quiet
man in that case). From the lineout we're aerial a day and a half early and the
ref gives Tamworth a free kick. They take it quick but we stop them and they are
penalised for holding on. With about 25 minutes to go Bazza puts a long kick
down into their half from which we secure good lineout ball and the General
talks the pack into going forward, Tamworth finally opt to collapse
it...penalty. The General takes it quick, short pass to Ali G who's looking for
trade with brother Phil & Rog in close support, and Tamworth infringe again,
but this time we kick to touch. Big Phil takes and the ball gets to Bill who
goes on a trundle, but we're penalised for something (was on the far side of the
pitch in fairness) Tamworth clear their lines. We let Tamworth secure their own
ball and Bill (small b) burrows in (how they laughed) & digs it out. Pass
goes to Cedric who feeds Shannon then to our youngster Jon Bodsworth (though
can't quite believe both our wingers were that close together) and Bod is forced
into touch. Another rubber band tweaked and Shannon limps off and Rick limps
back on.
The game starts to get a
touch messy as fatigue sets in and clock ticks down. With just over fifteen to
go the General substitutes himself (Captain's note check with me next
time) & Johnno comes back into the fray. We start to get back on track and
we force play into the Tamworth twenty two with a great drive from the worker
bees but Tamworth manage to turn it over and kick to touch just inside their ten
metre. Baz ever alert decides to take a quick throw in and hurls a long one
infield to... (in fairness I wasn't looking), but Baz reckoned his fellow backs
were on a different wavelength, and the loose ball is picked up in midfield by
some fairly bemused Tamworth players who run it up the park to score, cue the
odd snigger. 62-12 the conversion is missed.
Not long after
following some less than committed defence they score another consolation try
under the posts which they do convert 62-19
But we're not finished
just yet, we get a lineout just inside the Tamworth twenty two, big Phil takes
it unopposed (and so he bl**dy should) and it comes off the top to Johnno who
makes the break through a hole in the tail of the line, created by some, no
doubt clever nonsense by Rog. Johnno is held up by his opposite number but
offloads the pass to Ali G in support who gives the Tamworth winger a slice of
palm and falls over the line 67-19. Conversion
missed.
Marcus comes off, Captain Slow plods on for
the last five or six minutes, still plenty of time to hit his opposite number
both late and high, cue some minor verbal, but referee opts for a quite word
with Slow at the next scrum "who me??" We absorb a little more Tamworth pressure
before the referee calls time.
Another victory for the chronologically
challenged, thick waisted orphans!
Final Score
67-19 Final age 631
Next week a trip to the
country in Pershore, please book your places on the beer bus ASAP with
Slow