With last week's 160 year old front row of Shannon Killarney, Steve Sidwell
& Bill Burrows reprising their roles, we had Right said Fred in the shape of
Andy Killarney and skipper John Lonie providing the grunt, with a back row of
Marcus Hope, Alistair Gouldbourn and Nick Levey playing both flanker & part
time winger. A return after several weeks of rounding up his sheep for Phil
Evans at scrum half partnering Gary Williams at fly half, with Rob Bastock at
inside centre, our token "youngster" Simon Singleton at 34 years 4 months
outside him, and on the other wing Cedric Farrell with Tony Fitzgerald at full
back in his first start since the beginning of September.
Playing on the vast expanse of the First Team pitch Captain Lonie won the
toss and opted to play away from the Clubhouse in the first half, knowing the
smell of beer from the bar would only spur us on in the second.
Tamworth kick off and Andy K takes the catch round about his goolies but
manages to hang onto all three and the lads gather round, the General plucks it
out and feeds Shark who makes good yards, before getting stopped and the
youthful Tamworth lads come over the top, ping, first penalty of the game to
Yards. Smoking steps up and makes sure, the ball going out midway between
the Tamworth ten metre line and halfway. Throw in to us, Shark only gets his
fingertips to it at four and its a messy set and Tamworth turn it over and drive
it forward close in and we defend our ten metre, they move it out a bit and Andy
K gets the first real tackle in, and turns his man & Bilbo Burrows does the
rest, and we immediately move it out wide as Barstool tries to take the short
pop off Smoking, but the ball is knocked forward for a scrum to Tamworth.
Nick drops off the scrum as it's seven against seven, first one's a bit of
a mess and we have to set again. Second one's a bit better and Tamworth's two
likely lads Andy & Graham Hakes (both having moved back a row) set to work,
big Andy usually a second row but playing at No.8 picks up and feeds scrum half
Graham looking like a grey haired Dewi Morris who sends it out to his fly half
who kicks it right and our nipper Snapper comes across to take it but slips a
foot into touch; Linesman Slow spots it but referee ignores it, so Snapper cuts
back inside and get's clothes lined instead. Penalty Yards. Smokes puts it out
on the Tamworth ten metre line. Shark takes a clean catch, Bilbo tidies it up,
and the General ushers us forward, Sid still admiring his throw joins in at the
back, and we press on before Tamworth get penalised for fringing, fannying
about, and all manner of things. The General thinks about the quick one but
decides against it, and Smoking makes a good touch about fifteen metres from the
Tamworth line.
Same as
before Shark takes at four, we set, drive & Sid joins in with the General
giving directions, Shannon breaks free and bludgeons his way to the line before
being stopped about three or four metres out, but in the ensuing maul the ball
comes spewing out, and a stray boot kicks it into the General for an unlucky
accidental offside and a scrum to Tamworth. Andy the Tamworth No.8 picks but the
General's biting at his ankles and Shark is first to react followed by Ali G who
plucks the ball off the deck and goes over from about five metres for our first
score 5-0. Slow jogs beneath the posts and
turns to find we have a new goal kicker in the shape of Bob's mate Cedric, who
looking every bit like he does it for a living strokes it over nonchalantly for
a 7-0 lead.
Bilbo takes the restart but it goes through his hands but backwards, so
Nick clears it up and the General starts to run, feeds Smoking then Barstool who
breaks the line, Snapper takes the pass cuts back inside, does an in & out
and outstrips the defence to go in under the posts from almost the ten metre
line 12-0 Cedric steps up and it's two for two
14-0.
Andy K calls for the restart but it misses his goolies this time
and it bounces off his knees instead and Tamworth collect and Hakesy takes it on
before getting tackled by Ali G, they recycle Hakesy takes on again only to be
tacked by Lonie this time. Andy K decides to have a lie down, but play continues
(perhaps I should have brought water on) and eventually he gets to his feet and
tries to run the knock off. Tamworth finally give the ball a bit of width
(probably cos Hakesy's now knackered) and the ball reaches their inside centre
who is tackled by Cedric who also strips him of the ball and pops it to Barstool
who goes across the park to build up a bit of momentum before straightening up
and passing to the General, who gets tackled and penalised for holding on.
Tamworth kick for touch and find it about ten metres from our line.
Rick "Spearchucker" Lowe finds his jumper and Tamworth take it on
a yard before Bilbo reaches in and strips them of possession, pops it to Phil
who spins it to Smoking who takes his time and bangs it up field, Tamworth field
it and fire it back and the General takes good catch, and sets off before
popping it up in the air, a Tamworth player catches it and does enough to evade
the General's attentions before getting tackled by Andy K. Tamworth retain
possession and spin using a miss pass as our defence tracks across and Snapper
makes the tackle and Tamworth spill it forward. Barstool scoops it up but ref
blows for a scrum to us round about our ten metre line but it's delayed for a
couple of minutes for one of the Tamworth players to receive a bit of
attention.
A steady
if somewhat skewed scrum, and Ali G picks & goes against the grain, he's
held up we set and the General whips it out, Tamworth are drawn offside, free
ball so Smokes puts in a long kick, but the ref decides to come back for the
penalty. Smoking takes the kick and the catcher knocks it on for a scrum to
Yards on the Tamworth ten metre line. We win the scrum and a kick forward takes
a lucky deflection off a Tamworth player for a lineout.
Ball is
taken cleanly at four by Shark, we set, drive & the General sends it out to
Smoking, it's a miss pass, and the Tamworth defence buy it, Simon's pass
however, is knocked on by a Tamworth player before it reaches Cedric. Scrum to
Yards, Phil sends out a less than sympathetic pass to Smoking, Gary after
checking his BUPA subscription stands tall and waits for help to arrive. But the
referee sees something he doesn't like and awards a penalty to Tamworth, they
kick it into no mans land where Smoking persuades Ced that he wants the ball
and sells a dummy before passing on his hospital subscription back to Cedric who
takes ball and tackler and the ball goes forward. Tamworth recycle and spin it
wide, Snapper takes the first tackle, Andy K the next and the ball carrier's
turned our way we take possession and the General clears to touch.
Rick uses his curve ball, but the ref decides he can have another go and
this time Rick throws long but it takes a deflection en route and is taken by
Lonie who finds Phil, back to Lonie to Smoking to Snapper who gasses his man and
he's off to the races, burns two more young defenders to score under the posts
19-0. Up steps Cedric and it's three for
three 21-0.
Having let everyone else have a go Shannon finally gets one of the restarts
as the ball just carries to the ten metre line, but the referee blows for a
penalty to us. Captain Lonie tells Gary to go for touch and he finds it between
the Tamworth ten & twenty two, but we knock forward in the lineout and it's
a scrum to Tamworth. But we drive hard in the scrum, ball pops out loose &
Shark plucks it from the deck gives a great hand off, finds Barstool in support,
he sells some double glazing, gets held up and Ali G is on hand. We try to
recycle but Tamworth infringe, penalty to Yards. The General takes it quickly to
Smoking, who sells a couple of dummies, finds Shannon on his shoulder who in
turn finds Chairman Fitz who goes over for a great try in the corner.
26-0 Ced misses the touchline conversion.
The rain starts to fall as Nick Levey takes
the restart who makes good yards and looks for support, one of the Freds take
it, gives it to Ali G on the crash, makes a few more yards, and sets it up
again, the ever industrious General cuts out Gaz, ball goes to Barstool who
chips & chases, their fullback takes it, goes left then right and then kicks
it out on the full for a lineout two metres inside their ten. Referee decides it
took a deflection on the way out and awards it to Tamworth. Rick's throw comes
in and Shark does enough to put their jumper off and the ball goes forward for a
scrum to Yards just outside the ten. Rock steady ball by our Eight, Phil sets
himself and wangs it out to Smoking to Barstool who goes route one &
straight through with the Assassin in support, but sticks with it hands off a
couple gets driven into the corner by the fullback but Rob cleverly flips it
back inside around his back and Ali G takes it and drives over the last couple
of metres to score 31-0 Another difficult one for Cedric, too difficult in
fact and it falls short.
The
restart bisects Bilbo's hands and it falls to Andy K, it goes out to Smoking to
Barstool to Snapper who steps his man and comes inside and kicks ahead, the
fullback takes it around the twenty two, but the ref has seen a late hit on
Simon, so it's kick or kick and we take it on the twenty two. The General puts
it into the corner for an attacking lineout. Marcus imperious at four takes it
cleanly, the President cleans up and we drive towards the line, ball is worked
safely back first though Lonie then Bilbo. The General gives a short pop to Ali
G who gives Hakesy a slice of palm, and there's and accidental offside somewhere
so Tamworth get a scrum about ten metres from their line.
We get the shove on and take it against the
head, ball goes out, big dummy from Rob, Smoking cuts out Snapper and gives it
straight to Bob's mate, who pops it back to Snapper who gets caught about five
metres from the line and tries a flea flicker out the back of his hand but the
ref decides it's gone marginally forward. Scrum to Tamworth and again we get the
drive on but it goes down. They set again, we drive again, under pressure Andy
the Tamworth No.8 picks up and gets Marcus too for his trouble, Hakesy manages
to get the ball away to their fly half behind the try line and he hoofs it out
through the side of the dead ball area. Scrum five metres out for Yards, we
split the line Simon & Cedric one side, Smoking & Barstool the other.
Ball comes in Barstool runs over dragging the defence with him, then he comes
back the other way, our Eight oblivious to these shenanigans push towards the
line and Ali G picks up, and he's held but ref says the defender was offside in
the process. Phil looks to take it quickly, but doesn't go through the mark. We
have another go, Shannon takes a short pop, we set and take it on again, Cedric
joins in at the back and we press towards the line, Ali G hits the maul at pace
and we knock it on (and no I'm not saying that's your fault!)
Scrum to Tamworth, and the rain
abates, they hold their ball, & Hakesy picks up feeds his No.8 big Andy but
the Assassin brings him down, Smoking's in there on his feet trying to wrestle
the ball out, but Tamworth hang on and then try to run it out close to their
line, but Barstool scraggs his man round the collar who still manages to get a
foot to it but only into the arms of Snapper who jinks & bounces his way
round the flat footed defence to score his hat
trick 36-0.
Cedric misses the conversion and puts it in an almost identical place as the
previous two and starts to look a little glum.
Nick doesn't hang onto the low trajectory
bar of soap that's kicked his way and it goes marginally forward, for a scrum to
Tamworth. Hakesy puts it in Widnes style but gets away with it, No.8 picks up
gives it back to Hakesy who pops it to his fly half coming in blind who misses
it completely and Barstool picks up and takes it into traffic, our pack gather
round, Phil pops it to Lonester, who feeds Shannon, who in turn passes to
Smoking, who cuts back inside on a sales mission, and is eventually stopped just
outside the Tamworth twenty two and the ball dislodged from his hands for a
scrum to Tamworth. We're really unlucky there, some great interplay between our
forwards and backs.
Arkell on the touchline casually remarks as
to what to Lonie's been eating for breakfast. Tamworth work their 8/9
combination again, and the ball finds their fly half as does Barstool and it
goes to ground and Ali G is penalised for going over. The penalty doesn't find
touch and is taken by Cedric who feeds the General who takes it into contact,
Shark's there so is Cedric, Bilbo tidies it up, Alistair takes it on close,
Barstool gets it, sells his house goes through the gap makes great ground, bish
bash offloads to Lonie who's having a stormer, he passes to Phil, we're about
five metres out, he gets stopped and the 677 arrive in numbers and Tamworth have
to concede the penalty. We take it quick, Phil to Smoking, he picks a great
line, gets tackled a metre or so from the line and a Tamworth player goes
horizontal, another penalty to Yards in front of the posts, and Tamworth rather
unsportingly chuck the ball backwards (yes I know we'd have done the same
thing). As you know we don't kick, so spoilt for choice we spin the ball right
it finds Snapper who brings it back all the way left to score in
the corner while the rest of us stand on admiringly 41-0.
Snapper misses his own conversion and that's it for the half.
Half time 41-0 Andy Killarney & Steve Painter swap
shirts, but Rick decides he's having too much
fun and keeps his Tamworth shirt on!
Gaz hits a great deep restart, it's taken on
by Andy the Tamworth No.8 who gives it to his scrum half Hakesy, who gives it
back to Andy and the General makes like a human trip wire so he offloads it back
to Hakesy and he's brought down by a combination of Nick and Gary and the ref
pings us for something. Tamworth kick for touch and it goes out near our twenty
two. Lineout to Tamworth, the ball narrowly evades Marcus but is taken by
Alistair at the tail instead (cheers Rick), ball to Phil and Gary kicks ahead
their young winger takes it cleanly around the Tamworth ten, evades a couple of
tackles until he finds the long arm of the law in Bilbo. Tamworth recycle,
Hakesy ever a thorn in our sides spins it out, the fly half steps Smoking and
cuts back inside, looking for his big mates, referee signals penalty so it's a
free ball to Tamworth but they drop it instead.
Tamworth decide to put points on the
board, but only just as the kick just about crawls over the cross bar to much
laughter by the Tamworth lads 41-3
Smoking kicks off, big Andy the Tamworth
No.8 takes it and rumbles forward and our pack swarms him, but they retain
possession and drive it on, we drop off a few and defend the fringes, some good
stops by Shannon, Bilbo & Lonie. Hakesy pops it to his mate Andy who returns
the favour and Hakesy gets buried by Barstool...ouch now that had to hurt, as
Graham decides to have a lie down so he can redistribute his lungs. But ref
gives a penalty for use of blunt force trauma and Tamworth kick to touch and it
goes out a couple of metres from our twenty two. It's a messy one but Tamworth
secure it and get it away and there's a loop which works but the incoming winger
fails to hang on to it and Smoking picks up, referee playing advantage. He finds
Snapper who gives it to Sid who passes to the General who puts it down and we go
back for the scrum. So it's a split ball again, Smoking & Simon and Barstool
& Cedric with Fitz forming the shaft of the arrow. Steady ball the General
makes the break, selling dummies all the way, passes to Cedric who goes on a
great run and takes it on up as far as the Tamworth twenty two where he is held
up by sheer weight of numbers, and the ball goes to ground. Scrum to Tamworth on
the twenty two, ball comes out Hakesy picks up and Phil makes sure he'll never
play piano again as he kicks the ball out of his hands. Ref decides to scrum
again, ball gets to the back No.8 picks, gets tap tackled again by Phil but gets
the ball away to his scrum half and out to the fly half who kicks to clear,
Snapper cleans it up keeps it in and turns the corner and brings it back, finds
Barstool who stands it up, but it's a scrum for something I haven't spotted on
Tamworth ten metre line.
Steady scrum by Tamworth, Phil takes a
chance and walks round and plucks it out but the ref's not having any of it.
Penalty Tamworth, Hakesy takes quickly but the ref doesn't like that either. So Tamworth decide to kick to touch
instead for lineout on the halfway line, not straight, scrummage to Yards. No
pressure on our Eight, the General picks and goes, he sends a high one out to
Smokes who showing great presence of mind just helps it on it's way to Snapper,
he looks inside passes back to Gaz, he sells one, looks for Alistair but it just
gets nudged forward for a scrum to Tamworth on their twenty two. Their No.8
picks up ships it to the inside centre who kicks to clear, ball doesn't make
touch, Nick covering wing makes no mistake drops on it gets up and sets off,
hands off Hakesy, sees Phil in support, passes he sees a gap and chips ahead and
their fullback does a number on the chasing Phil, but doesn't evade Barstool who
takes him on the twenty two. Tamworth recycle Lonie & Painterman make the
tackles, Tamworth take it short then decide to go aerial, Fitz takes it easily
and he returns it with interest and Tony follows it up and puts in a great
tackle on the catcher, Shark joins in as does Bilbo, ball goes loose, but
Tamworth secure it.
Hakesy looks to take it close sees Lonie and
decides against it, kicks it instead and it's charged down by Rob, Hakesy
regathers the ricochet but he's facing our way, ball comes loose again Smoking
gathers passes to Phil takes it on a bit, finds Simon who skips free and kicks
it forward, the fullback takes it and gets mugged in open field by Nick Levey,
his back row mate Shark picks up the loose ball, sees the line at his mercy
heads towards it takes the last tackle and offloads to Nick who goes over for a
great team try 46-3. Slow
going behind the posts suggests to Barstool to have a go and he checks with the
referee and drop kicks it over to make the score
48-3.
Shannon takes the restart, sells the dummy
and another, sees Lonie on his outside who pushes Rick out of the way and sets
off, we set, ball out to Smoking, Barstool takes the scissors but loses his footing, but it doesn't matter they're
all offside. Penalty to Yards, Rob still in possession takes it quickly finds
Simon who lights his own afterburners, Nick trying to stay with him, but is not
required as Simon goes over for his fifth in the corner.
53-3 Simon has a go at
converting his own work but misses.........hopelessly!
Shannon tries to take the soap round about
his ankles and the ref thinks it's gone forward, scrum to Tamworth, Phil tap
tackles big Andy at No.8 again, but they manage to put the ball up in the air,
it's fielded by Simon who sets off again from just outside our twenty two, he
kicks and chases, it's a foot race but the Tamworth fullback gets there first,
but only just as Simon tackles him, and a few others. But ref sees a penalty
possibly for not releasing the player and Tamworth kick for touch but it doesn't
go out and Fitz shows off his footballing
skills by dribbling it along the floor, picks it up looks to pass to the
General, sells the dummy and sets off on his own, makes at least twenty yards
before passing to Marcus in support.
Soon after ccrummage to Tamworth, despite a good drive by our Eight they
keep the ball and Hakesy puts a kick over, Nick over on the wing drops on it
despite the attentions of his opposite number, gets up and drives it on and
Fitzy goes to support him and drive it on a bit futher, the rest of the forwards
join in and Nick pops the ball out the back to the General, who spins it to
Smoking who sells an outrageous dummy and clears up the park. Lineout to
Tamworth on the twenty two, we tap it down to Phil and the 677 gather round,
with Ali G at the back, sees Barstool coming at pace pops it out he bursts
through, turns his man inside outside and goes over for a good individual effort
by the big lad 58-3 Conversion missed.
Bilbo takes the restart but the next five minutes turns into scrum practice
with a succession of scrums between our twenty two and ten metre lines as the
rain lashes down, Tamworth refuse to give up and my notes turn to mush.
Eventually we are awarded a scrum on our ten metre line, and n ow bearing in
mind at this point the referee had asked us not to break the young Tamworth prop
Rick obviously thought it would be a good wheeze to try his luck on our put in.
They take it against the head, (bet that was a fun conversation between the two
hookers) and the Tamworth Two (remember them) between them take it down
into the corner where they score a late consolation try 58-8
Conversion missed.
Two minutes to go, and I'm soaking wet; while we're under the posts the
referee asks whether we want to call it a day, I'm happy with that and send the
cut throat sign into Captain Lonie, but I think it's Smokes who "politely"
declines the man's kind offer and we go again. Gaz sends the restart deep
landing just in front of the Tamworth twenty two right hand side and our
forwards gallop onto it like it's the opening kick off, we pinch it and the ball
finds our loosehead three-quarter Shannon in space who shimmies a bit before
sending out beautifully timed pass to our hooker on the overlap, who's no doubt
had to run his b*llocks off to get there and Sid goes over for a really popular
try (in his mind) in the corner. 63-8 Conversion falls
short.
Final Score 63-8 Final age 652 and that
with only fourteen players!!!!
Sid's try was our 75th try of the season so far, not bad for a team
mostly on the wrong side of 40.